Tired..
yea.. that’s exactly how I’m feeling right now.. somehow I feel like I’m no longer as strong-minded as before..
Life isn’t easy being a cadet.. an officer to be.. everyone’s looking up to you.. people expect many things from you.. cadets are like superman.. not because we walk around in underwear when we’re in bunk.. its because we’re always making the impossible come true.. you know when you did once it felt like an achievement.. did twice perhaps you feel glad that you’ve made it and celebrate.. but what about the third ? fourth ? fifth ? eventually it became very mentally taxing and laborious..
I cant explain why am I feeling like this at the moment.. perhaps because I’m training with the corporals in the same course.. seeing how people enjoy life in camp while I slog everyday just because of the rank on my shoulder.. It doesn’t felt like that back in ocs cause everyone suffered the same shit.. pushing one another on.. therefore it feels better when there’s no one to compare..
Sometimes I think.. 2 yrs of national service.. 10 yrs re-service liability.. why do I have to put myself into such difficulty.. doing it for pride ? fulfilling expectations ? is it really worth it.. Thinking far enough.. life doesn’t get easier even after I commission.. in fact it may get even worse.. I just cant picture myself in that position.. somehow I see myself a better sergeant than an officer.. now I truly understand why some people prefer to sign on as a specialist..
Anyway~ it’s Chinese new year once again.. I wonder how is everyone doing.. It’s pretty sad man.. I’m almost losing contact with many poly friends.. no time for gatherings.. wanted to hold another buffet gathering at my house again.. but thinking ‘chu 3’ night have to book in le.. arg~ forget it.. with that I concluded army guys = no life.
blogged with love by Josified @ 8:46 PM